#consequences of abuse

[furiousgoldfish]

Which ones of these arbitrary trauma-induced rules do you follow?

No spending money, ever. what if you need it later and your life depends on it.

Assume that all strangers are 3 seconds close to becoming hostile. fawn to keep them friendly.

No delegating tasks. no telling other people to do things you could potentially do yourself. what if they mess up.

Assume that everyone will consider you a burden if you do 1 single mistake that inconveniences them. do all that is possible to not make that mistake.

Do not admit when things are going wrong. wait until theres no other option but to ask for help, and even then consider not doing that.

Always act like you're okay. not doing so might make you seem 'not normal' and 'accused of being crazy and unstable'.

Do anything for friends, even if it sounds weird, dodgy, illegal. you want to prove that you're fun and easy going and helpful and useful and extremely cool with anything.

Never let it show if you're suspicious of someone. never say out loud that you think their intentions are bad. that might set them off.

If hurt, hide and isolate. Do not let anyone see you hurt.

Do not ask help for problems you feel are your own responsibility to solve. Even if you don't see yourself solving them successfully. If you can't do it, assume nobody can help you.

Help others to try and build positive relationships. Don't accept help so you don't end up relying on them for anything.

Do not start things that involve help or participation from other people. People are not reliable.

Assume that institutions, government, police, social services, and any kind of groups of people are all considering you a nuisance, and would attack you on sight, in every single situation. Never rely on them or assume they would do anything else.

No arguing, confronting, or standing up for yourself unless the situation is absolutely unsurvivable otherwise. Lay low until doing otherwise is seriously damaging your mental health and ability to live.

Give up on hopeful social encounters before they disappoint you. If you have to interact with people, assume the worst is about to happen.

No allowing yourself to idealize, or dream of positive future with people. It's a trap and your expectations need to be either extremely realistic or low.

Assume that fancy and expensive things don't exist for you. Despise them and get away from them.

No comparing yourself and your life to how other people live. It causes depression and despair. Other people's lives and standards of living are none of your business.

Do not showcase any skill or brag about any achievement. Jealous people can destroy you for satisfaction.

Assume people think the worst of you and don't consider changing their mind. Just try to keep out of their way.

Do not display anger. You don't want to be called insane or get arrested. You don't know what people could potentially blame you for if you're openly angry. But other angry people are dangerous and you need to get away from them.

If you follow more than half of these, you have a trauma-induced problem. These are not normal or healthy. These are not developed in a healthy environment. These are extremely self-protective, isolating, ruled by terror of the world and the people living in it. If you follow these, something bad has been done to you.

[crow-quet]

*You tell a joke about two kids who played in a muddy flower garden.

*...

*You tell a joke about a kid who slept in the soil.

[carryoncastiel]

Karlach and Wyll have great banter in general but sometimes you see something like this and you're like...now hold on a minute

[howlsofbloodhounds]

killer should be given a gun. specifically so he can grab someone by the throat or hair and force the barrel in someone’s mouth and threaten to make a pretty brain splatter on the wall. (bonus points if he does to Chara when they step out of line in timelines where they’re still partners after killer takes the reset)

[vivika-ka]

Some instances that I feel show how some messages in MHA are detrimental, especially on how victims react to their abuser, can be gauged by responses that tend to be highly prevalent in the fandom.

(Definitely not every fan, but a great majority).

Endeavor is a great example. Whenever you post criticizing his approach to atonement (and ultimately criticizing Horikoshi’s writing), you get BOMBARDED by people either belittling you for not liking his character or essentially forcing you to like his character by frantically writing “at least he tried” arguments.

If I have the CHOICE whether to forgive his character or not, especially given he goes through an atonement arc and not a redemption arc, why is any form of criticism about his abusive behavior and essentially his abuse of power practically ignored by the story unacceptable?

The message was detrimental because people operate on the notion that for victims to be good people, they must forgive and even help their abusers. MHA presents people who choose not to forgive him as either a monster (Toya) or inconvenient (Natsuo). And if they are still unforgiving, they must admire the abuser for doing the bare minimum (taking responsibility; this is also about Natsuo).

Essentially, they are considered "imperfect victims" because they weren't merciful in their approach to their abuser.

The majority of the fandom tends to ignore the lack of actual consequences for Endeavor's actions because he vows to talk to Toya every day. Insisting that doing the bare minimum, which is recognizing his son's existence and suffering, became his "hell" is a wildly fucked up message, in my opinion.

It harps on the issue mentioned above that if a victim isn't receptive to forgiveness or doesn't act "demure," they are seen as an inconvenience—which is how the Todoroki family ultimately views Toya.

On a less critical note, I'll vent, so if you don't like this, just ignore it.

I'm so fucking tired of stories depicting imperfect victims as people who deserve death and torture. Plus, having to be on the brunt of so many people acting like you're morally fucked because you're not impressed with how a writer handled abuse. Horikoshi is not the first writer to try to atone a character who is an abuser (and he isn't the first to fail at that, either).

I'm not about to dick-ride every decision every author makes. Especially if the message convinces some audience members that victims are inherently broken if they can't bring themselves to forgive and/or admire someone who hurt them.

[edwardslostalchemy]

The last thing I thought I'd ever say was that AFO is right lmfao, but he really called out endeavor on this one. AFO is no better when it comes to using people, especially his 'successor', but I appreciate that he went for the jugular with this one. It really is the cruelest match up. Like it should have been endeavor facing Touya, not Shouto who had 0 fault in that situation whatsoever.

[bitchthefuck1]

It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.

I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.

[grimalkinmessor]

Fucked up Mouthwashing fix-it AU where Jimmy is able to grapple with his homo/bisexuality properly but instead of this making him healthier or more normal it just causes him to noncon Curly instead of Anya. As a result he doesn't crash the ship and they all make it safely to their destination and Jimmy manipulates and guilts his way into living with Curly afterwards even as the rest of the crew goes their separate ways. Everyone is happy except Curly :)

[vixenihy]

Do you think Joe and Rose were abusive? I’ve read a few different things, but I’m curious about your opinion

yes. absolutely i do. and just because it was the 1910s-1930s doesn’t mean any of it is okay. this is abuse, and it had a lasting effect on the children.

rose has admitted to physically striking her kids, was extremely emotionally neglectful, and perpetuated a lot of jacks issues with opening up, touch and maybe more?? there’s even a well known jfk quote where he says “my mother never hugged me….never!…never!” and another one where he can’t remember a time where she told him she loved him.

joe was just as bad if not worse, with him parading his affairs around his kids (which leads to into a whole can of worms with him and jack but i don’t feel comfortable talking about publicly), treating jack as a spare until he was convenient for him, lobotomizing rosemary, putting down his other daughters potential, pounding that sense of competitiveness into his kids to a degree where they’d be put in danger, forcing jack into politics, pretty much making rose raise bobby on her own…

it’s bad 😭 i only have a few photos explaining what rose did and i can’t show joes because it involves what happened involving jack and joes affairs and again, not comfortable sharing publicly.

+ link to interview, timestamp 10:40

[furiousgoldfish]

I will imagine little scenarios in my head and then feel guilty for imagining the scenarios

[trexalicious]

#IStandWithDrSophie

[allyricas]

Surprise surprise a woman being perceived as bitchy still seen worse than sexual harassment and literal smear campaigns done by the man who harassed her.

Surprise surprise men who claim to be some sort of feminist champion for women are usually narcissistic, cunning liars who perpetuate the same sexist, abusive shit as men all over the place.

80 page lawsuit with receipts. Entire cast wanted nothing to do with the accused man. Red flags everywhere.

"Oh but Blake Lively is a mean girl sometimes so she deserves it."

So many people fell for the orchestrated smear campaign against this woman just because she's "unlikeable" and Baldoni hired JOHNNY DEPP'S PR TEAM LET THAT SINK IN like that doesn't alone speak volumes.

[cdroloisms]

Cdream be like: You can't put yourself in the Prison anymore bc of the woke >:(/lh

That man is a mess like it's facinating how messy his vision of reality is for others and himself

it is fascinating fr, and does remind me of how we'd talk a little bit about how his perspective may betray what kind of environment this guy might've been in pre-dsmp. the stick-up-his-ass about rules and rule-following, the neuroticism about conflict, and the ease with which he jumps to punishment as being the appropriate response to people who cause problems (a perspective that, quite evidently, to a certain extent, does apply to himself, doesn't it?) all seems quite indicative of someone who lived in an environment where punishment being the natural consequence of stepping outside the lines was generally something that went unquestioned. of course, this is speculative, and it's not that a #tragicbackstory is necessary to explain what the fuck is up with c!Dream, and it's hardly about justifying the choice to abuse a teenager into behaving, lmao. but while exile served his goals and exile was a lot of petty, spiteful cruelty for petty, spiteful reasons, i do think there's something to be said about how clearly c!Dream hadn't expected c!Tommy to respond quite so severely to exile and how he thought he would be "fine" with potatoes in the prison and the language he used both about exile and his own early prison stay about shit like "getting better" through punishment. of course, punitive justice as a norm is kind of ingrained in our own society (just look at the rhetoric around deserving in this fandom, lmao, which speaks more than well enough for itself) and of course that reflects onto the dream smp as well, considering how many of the characters talk quite freely about the idea of punishment/deserving/what have you, but few characters are quite as obviously a stickler for rule-following as c!dream and exile and then prison are uhhh definitely on the more extreme end of things. anyway. just some food for thought

[critterfloozy]

I keep on being plagued with a specific thought on the consequences for the end of Campaign 3.

What will parents do when it's a real possibility that their child might be an evil deity?

I know, from living in the world we live in, that there are parents who think their children are irredeemable and evil now - and I know what kind of traits those children often have. And I know, historically, what people did to children they thought were changelings - and what traits they were thought to have. And - from the tal'dorei sourcebook - I know that there are places in Exandria that already practiced infanticide to get rid of ruidisborn children. This is horrifying, but also - I don't think I'm comfortable with any argument that this wouldn't happen (at least not at first). Because there's already so much erasure of parents who simply do not have their children's best interests at heart, and in some ways, a fictional denial still feels like a denial. I can only hope that some sort of organization can be propped up to intervene, somehow.

[deservedgrace]

cult jokes are a symptom of and contribute to the simultaneous sensationalizing of cults (cults are all dark cloaks and animal sacrifices and devil worship and group suicide and despicable/unhinged beliefs) and diminishing of cults ("uwu come join my CULT XD we're gonna make cookies and WORSHIP SATAN teehee"), but i'm realizing how they go so hand-in-hand with the mindset of "only ~stupid/evil/crazy/etc.~ people could possibly join a cult. if it were me i would simply not fall for cult propaganda."

the diminishing part means that people don't take you seriously if you say you're an ex cult member or talk about your experiences in a cult or believe you are a current victim of a cult, because cults are just silly little groups that have weird beliefs but are otherwise innocuous. the sensationalizing part means people will also not take you seriously because if it was Actually a cult cult, that does harm and has evil beliefs, you should've known better because any reasonable person would have seen through it. the other side of "only an [xyz] person joins a cult" is "i am not an [xyz] person so i will never join a cult or be victim to propaganda and other cult tactics." the other side of "if it were me i would simply not fall for propaganda" is "someone falling for propaganda is fully a choice and a personal failing on their part." and combined they make: if you were [xyz] enough to join a cult and fall for propaganda, that means you deserved it.

people who would never make jokes about any other kind of abuse but feel perfectly fine making cult jokes used to kind of baffle me, because why is joking about personal abuse a problem but large-scale/group abuse is fine? why is it suddenly funny when you're the one that wants to perpetuate the abuse? but if your belief around cults is: "your experience wasn't that bad [diminishing], and if it was that bad [sensationalizing] it was your own fault and personal failing [i would simply not fall for propaganda], which means you deserved what you went through [only stupid/evil/crazy/etc people join cults]" and you don't understand how cults or cult tactics work, cult survivors/victims probably feel like a fair target for jokes (they are not, to be clear).

[trappedinafantasy37]

The last DeVir and the forgotten Baenre. Two noble drow forever exiled from their homes and abandoned by Lolth.